


I Needed Someone to Bleed

by chase_acow



Series: I Kinda Lose My Mind [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Forgiveness, M/M, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-14
Updated: 2019-03-14
Packaged: 2019-11-18 03:20:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18112211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chase_acow/pseuds/chase_acow
Summary: "Penance, mostly, but also hot sex," Tony said, keeping his back to Sam while he pulled his jeans up. His voice was still rough, caught in the moment before when he begged Sam to go harder, faster.Square T4 - Secret Relationship





	I Needed Someone to Bleed

Sam caught his breath slowly, still flexed into the body in below him. He removed his fingers from Tony's shoulder and watched as the white impression of his hand reddened and puffed up. There might be a slight bruise there later, something Tony could see in a mirror and remember while Sam was back pretending to be someone else with the other rogues.

Rogues. What a fucking joke. He missed his room, his dvr, he fucking missed teaching Friday how to make up horoscopes to punk Clint.

He missed Tony.

Squeezing Tony's hips, Sam grinded just a little longer chasing the last fleeting moment of pleasure before reality crashed over him. This was the third time they'd met after the Raft debacle, and while he was under no illusion Natasha didn't know exactly where he was and what he was doing, he didn't know how much longer he'd be able to keep Steve in the dark. He'd probably understand fine, but Sam didn't want to deal with it, didn't want to let his irritations bubble up while they were still on the run. He didn't even really know how he'd answer the questions that would inevitably pop up.

"What are we even doing here?" Sam asked, pulling out slowly and tossing the condom at the trash. He sat on his heels and traced his fingers down Tony's calves to his ankles until the other man flopped to his side and rolled off the bed to his feet. Tony didn't like to linger much anymore.

"Penance, mostly, but also hot sex," Tony said, keeping his back to Sam while he pulled his jeans up. His voice was still rough, caught in the moment before when he begged Sam to go harder, faster.

The room was in a quaint little bed and breakfast joint far enough out in the country that when Tony wanted to rent the whole place for a night, the owner didn't bat an eye. It was apparently the slow season in bumfuck, Denmark. It had taken Sam four hours to get there, and they'd been together less than one. His belly ached when he thought about the silent drive back to the safehouse.

"What specifically is eating away at your conscience?" Sam asked, getting comfortable on the bed, leaning against the headboard with his arms crossed. They hadn't even bothered to pull the blankets off before clutching at each other. 

He'd never expected Tony to contact him again, not with how they'd left it, but when the messenger had dropped the envelope in his hand and darted away, he'd known it couldn't have been anyone else. The phone was a decided upgrade over the flip phone Steve had sent Tony, even with all the location tracking Sam could check for stripped out. Of course, Tony had found him once without it, so Sam really only worried about keeping it secret from Steve.

Tony sat back down on the bed and lowered his head into his hands. His back bowed, and even after everything, Sam still wanted to rub his sore shoulders, to somehow magically make everything better. The anger wasn't gone, but he couldn't aim it solely at Tony, not when he found out everything Steve had known and done. Not when he took a step back and realized how much Tony had been keeping from him, his pain and guilt, the sleeplessness, hell, probably every bad emotion Tony must have thought would send Sam running for the hills.

"Mostly for shooting you," Tony said, his voice muffled as he spoke into his palms. It was the first time they'd tried to talk about it, overdue apparently. "A little bit for Barnes."

Sam still woke up sometimes, gasping for breath just like he had after the repulsor blast had hit him square in the chest. Even knowing Tony had calculated exactly the right amount of force didn't stop him from imagining if he hadn't. A smoking hole in his chest joined the ranks of nightmares he'd collected since he was a teenager. 

"I shouldn't have been able to," Tony continued, his hands clawed at his thighs, but he still wouldn't meet Sam's eyes. There was so much emotion in his voice, so much he'd always held back finally laid out bare. "You're my- You had been my- We were just in bed together, and then what? Sorry 'bout ya, I aim center mass, and pull the trigger?"

They'd never really discussed what they were to each other, but it hadn't bothered Sam before. Hearing Tony stumble over the words now did. Before he could always come up with a reason Tony would be gun shy, his break up with Pepper, the love-hate relationship he had with the media, the time he had to put in with work, or Steve's ridiculous lectures about team dynamics. None of that mattered to Sam, he was _with_ Tony and nothing else would pull him away.

Tony'd always been a worse case scenario man.

"I remember what it was like watching my best friend fall," Sam said, making sure he was quiet enough that Tony had to lean in to hear. Tony always listened, but sometimes he didn't quite hear. "I can imagine what you were going through. We _were_ just in bed together, and then I was standing next to Steve against you, and then Rhodey fell and I was an easy target."

It was all he could think of sometimes, things he should have done differently. Problem was, the issues went further back than just the Accords, no one single thing would have made the difference, but he was trying now. The first time they'd met in secret, they'd both been angry, and eventually covered in bruises and scratches. After that, Sam wasn't willing to hold onto his anger, wasn't going to cherish it like Wanda or Clint.

"We don't have to forgive each other," Sam said, nodding to himself when Tony's shoulders hunched up around his ears. "But we both chose to be here together. When it would have been a lot easier not to."

Tony didn't answer and started trying to pull his socks closer to him using his toes.

"So what? You're just going to keep punishing yourself? Bending over for me and asking for it harder, rougher?" Sam blew out a loud breath. The puzzle was taking shape now and he felt a bit of guilt that he hadn't worked it out better before. "What if that's not the atonement I want from you?"

"Whatever you want, Sam," Tony answered, his voice tired, his soul, where Sam could see it, tired. 

"Then come here," Sam said, opening his arms.

"You want to cuddle?" Tony said, his tone incredulous as if Sam had asked him to do something unspeakable while wearing a nun's habit.

"Yes, Tony Stark, I want to cuddle you," Sam said, actually lifting himself up long enough to pull the blankets out from under him. "We're going to cuddle, and relax, and then we're actually gonna feel good when we have to say goodbye this time."

"Sam, I don't think I can-"

"What? Something the Supreme Commander can't do?" Sam interrupted with a scoff, grinning when he saw a little of the old spark in Tony's eyes. He had to stick his foot out, getting Tony in the stomach as he added. "Get rid of those jeans, though, I have delicate skin."

Tony flicked the button on his jeans loose, and he'd lost weight so the heavy material dipped low under his hip bones. He curled one arm over his head, lengthening his torso and swayed his hips to music only he could hear. The zipper dipped bit by bit, revealing the carefully sculpted trail of hair pointing down from his bellybutton.

Sucking his lip in between his teeth, Sam watched Tony completely miss the point. It was still a pretty good show.

Continuing his shimmy, Tony let the jeans fall to the floor and stepped out of them. He put one knee up on the bed and then crawled his way up, over Sam's body. He hovered for a moment, and even Sam had to admit this was much better than when Tony quickly stripped off his clothing and gestured for Sam to get on with it.

"You believe me when I tell you that I'm happy to be with you?" Sam asked, needing to nudge the horse one more time to see if it would rise. He palmed Tony's jaw and lifted his head, but didn't try to make eye contact. He brushed his thumb across the sensitive skin above Tony's Adam's apple. "Right here? Right now?"

Tony moaned, but not the sexy time moan, and face planted into Sam's chest. He wiggled, getting awful close to knocking Sam's junk off, until he too could pull the blankets up over his hip. It wasn't the most unsexy thing, Sam had seen Tony many times after workshop binges left him sludgy and slobbery, but maybe Tony was finally getting it.

"I could shout it from the rooftops if that would help you believe it?" Sam teased, stretching his arm out to see if he could entice Tony closer. He still couldn't believe it, how well he and Tony worked both in bed and out of it.

His ploy worked, Tony laid his head on Sam's bicep and and arm over his waist. "That would kind of defeat the purpose of a secret relationship, don't you think?" he asked, yawning wide enough to crack his jaw.

"So you admit it?" Sam asked, a fierce joy he hadn't expected welling up in his chest even at the pretend admission. "We are in a relationship."

The giggling might have been unbecoming for two adult ass men, but it was exactly what they needed.


End file.
